Parents can read in many places that it is best to take into account the needs of our children and help meet them , so they grow protected (not overprotected), autonomous and happy.
The fact is that meeting the needs of our children is sometimes a bit ambiguous and some professionals have realized that, even in developed countries, many children grow without their basic needs being met.
To try to avoid this, Thomas Brazelton, one of the most prestigious pediatricians in America, wrote in 2005 a book with Stanley Greenspan, a renowned child psychiatrist, in which they wanted to capture the seven basic and irreducible needs of children , which are which we will comment below.
The book is entitled “The basic needs of childhood: everything that every child needs to grow, learn and live” . Each need is equivalent to a chapter, so what you can read here is just a summary of the seven needs.
1. Need to have stable affective relationships
Children need to feel loved and feel cared for constantly . Humans are emotional beings, especially when we are young. The authors comment that it is thanks to the emotions that children come to learn to reason and solve problems, so that feeling loved is basic to develop emotionally and intellectually.
According to Brazelton, “we can not experience emotions that we have never had and we will not know the experience of consistency and intimacy of stable love unless we have had this experience with someone in our life,” which is something like the children who they grow up feeling loved, respected and understood they are more capable when they are adults of loving, respecting and understanding others. Try now to buy all needs of baby & kinds in one world best online store.
2. Physical protection and security
Children need an environment that provides protection from physical and psychological harm . Excessive exposure of children to television, with often inadequate content, and water and air pollution threaten children. The authors also talk about the high levels of child abuse and that many parents use drugs, alcohol and tobacco, even knowing that it is harmful to their children.
3. Experiences according to individual needs
Each child has a unique character and temperament. Each child is an individual being that should be treated in that way . Adapting the experiences to the individual nature of each child avoids learning and behavioral problems and allows each child to develop their potential. That is why it is recommended that people who educate children take into account that standardized systems (such as formal school education, at least until now) should be more flexible and that parents should avoid comparing our children with each other and compare them with other children, avoid labels and not think about what “should be” or “we would like it to be”.
4. Experiences appropriate to the level of development
Children need care according to the stage of development in which they are . If our expectations do not match what our children are capable of doing, we can hinder their development. With this they want to tell us, among other things, that children have to have time to play and to spend it with us.
It can not be that a 5-year-old child has to spend half an afternoon doing homework or exercises, nor is it realistic for a 4-year-old to spend one hour training football (or the sport that is) following the coach’s continuous instructions, Some examples.
Many parents want that, children training and improving, studying and memorizing, when the reality is that at an early age they get bored, tired and may even end up hating something that in theory they should love: sports and learning.
5. Set limits, structure and expectations
As social beings that are going to be, living within a society, children have to know social norms . The authors flee from physical punishment, which they do not accept as a method to teach discipline: “Discipline means teaching, not punishing.”
Parents who show patience and concern for their children’s concerns are teaching what empathy is. The authors are aware that parents who work a lot have little time to teach their children norms and values, so they recommend that before education there is an approach, something like establishing a daily routine of spending time with the children. arrive. In that moment, spending time together, they can start to grow together.
They also comment that it is wrong to think that respecting the individual differences of children is bad, as many people think. When families take into account the differences in development of each member, when they respect those differences, they are better able to contribute ideas and reasoning about the consequences that certain acts can have and everyone participates in the creation and establishment of the norms (to put For example, it can be absurd to tell a 6-year-old boy that he has to go to bed at eight because his two-year-old little brother goes to bed at that time).
6. Stable communities and cultural continuity
In this chapter we call on parents to become involved with society, so that they assume a more important role in school and in the government of the community. That parents and teachers work together and do not compete.
Children need to grow up in a stable community in which there is a continuity of family values, group of friends and culture. In the same way they need to realize that diversity is respected, so that they also respect it.
7. The protection of the future
The last need they comment is to protect the future of our children and not only our own , but that of all the children of the world. In the future the new generations and their families will be more related to each other, so to protect the future of our children we must protect the future of all.